Gone

 

It never gets easier saying he is gone, she can only say it in her mind, vocalizing it would make it real. She is still living in the made-up world where he is at work or sleeping. She needs the made-up world to get through the next minute. 

She misses him beyond much, she sits for hours searching for answers, answers she will never get until she sees him again. She drives herself crazy everyday thinking through why this happened. What exactly is the reason, what is God's plan? She talks to him while thinking, looking for any sign he is with her as she tries to figure out why. 

She does not know how to move forward without him. What does move forward even mean she asks herself. She doesn't feel like she is moving at all, she feels as if she is existing on auto-pilot at the same time she feels life is standing still. 

She asks him to help her, to hold her up, she knows she cannot do this without him yet each day she is forced to. She thought her heart was already shattered as she feels it break a tiny bit more. She begs him to please direct her towards her purpose from this heart break. She begs him not to leave her side, she needs him to hold her up.