New Year's Eve

 

She is clinging to this day, she doesn't want it to end. She wants to stay in 2020.  When every other person wants this dreaded year to end, she wants to stay in the last year she physically had with him. 

How is she going to welcome a new year without him? It feels like another loss, she feels sadness leaving him in 2020. She knows it is only one day to the next but to her it means everything. It's moving from 2020 to 2021, a year he will never be in. 

To her it means starting a year by herself without her love, her best friend, her husband. It's a year without new memories being made, no new pictures taken together. It is sad and frightening for her to look to the new year. 

She will experience a host of firsts without him, the year of firsts. Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays without him next to her to celebrate together. She doesn't want this, she doesn't want this new life.

She was very happy with the life they had together. It wasn't fancy with lavish trips or date nights out, it was simple their life together. They never went out to celebrate New Year's Eve, they had their own special tradition, cuddling on the couch most years not even making it till midnight.

She secretly thinks to herself maybe just maybe she will go through a time warp waking up on New Year's Day with him next to her, all of this a nightmare. She knows it is not going to happen, but like telling herself he is at work, it helps her get through the next minute, she doesn't want to feel the panic of never having him with her, the sadness of losing him. 

She only wishes she had the power to pause this day for a little longer so she could have a little more time in 2020 with him. Than again, if she had that power she would have the already brought him back to the last year she saw him. 

S.M Schultes

Dec 31,2016 New Year's Eve