Pain

She is no stranger to pain from loss, she first felt it when her parents divorced,after her step father abused her, her mother abandoned her and countless other losses she has experienced. 

Nothing comes even a smidge close to the pain she feels from losing the love of her life, her Bobby. 

You see those other pains, she just shoved into a box, a Pandora's Box she used to call it... She locked all the pain up 

and she moved "on" the best she could. 

She cannot move "on" from losing him, she must learn to move "forward" with him. She cannot even fathom locking up anything with him in a "box". 

This pain permeates every facet of her life from the minute she opens her eyes until she shuts them for the few hours of sleep she gets each night. 

She has discovered though all those past pains locked up in the box are interwining themselves into her grieving the loss of Bobby. 

Their love, their life, her pain from this loss deserves it's own sacred place in her mind and heart, to grieve alone by it's self. 

To soften into feeling this pain she must first untangle the others. She needs to figure out which part of the past losses and pains are overlapping with what she is feeling grieving for him. 

He deserves that respect, their love was to intense to deep to muddle it with the others. 

For today, she feels the pain for as much as her heart can handle until she can't any longer, everything hurts her mind, body and soul.