Signs

I do not feel a connection or a moment of alignment. They, whoever "They" are say in early grief your emotions are too raw so connections or alignments are hard. 

I do not feel him with him, I am trying so hard to ground myself so I can feel him with me, I think my heart is to shattered right now. 

There are times I see signs from him, he is always leaving me hearts. The other day I saw two cardinals while out walking, was it him? I don't know but I'll tell you I don't like thinking my relationship is now with birds, it's all just so strange. All of this makes me so sad, my relationship with my love is now waiting on signs of hearts and birds. 

Honestly though seeing a sign is very emotional for me. I will get a moment of "I knew that was you babe" maybe even smile. Next comes the letdown and searching for the next sign, I don't want to spend my life endlessly searching for signs to feel him or his love. The up and down added rollercoaster of emotions is just too hard on my already emotionally-sensitive state.