Selfish

 

She often thinks she is selfish, selfish to feel the way she does She exists, she is alive she doesn't live she hasn't since the day. 

She doesn't like nor want to exist in this world without him yet she must. She doesn't like knowing she will carry her heartache with her the rest of her life. She doesn't want to spend the rest of the life she thought she would spend with him alone. 

She feels selfish because this is not the life she envisioned living, never knowing when a tsunami of grief is going to wash over her leaving her tumbling for air as she tries to move forward. 

She feels selfish knowing she will never be the same, she will always have the pain stitched into her heart. She feels like a horrible person when she thinks of the amazing memories with him, it hurts so much, emotionally and physically, it hurts her to remember, she hopes one day her heart will smile when she remembers their memories.

She feels selfish knowing she will move forward without him, a future without him leaves her heart screaming inside her.