The Afterlife

She sits there with all the books in front of her. Her library has expanded to include any book on grief, death and the afterlife. All the books are stacked up her table or on her phone to read, next to her books she has her crystals, many are specific to someone grieving as well as ones to help ground herself. She also cleanses everything in the apartment with sage once a week. She wants any negative energy to be cleared away, she is doing anything she can to connect to him, anything at all.  

You name it she has done it to open up her mind clearing her thoughts in an effort to get more in touch spiritually with him. She hasn't stopped reading, researching things to help be receptive to any messages he could be sending her. Reiki, shamanic healing, sound baths, oracle cards and meditation are all practiced daily and weekly to hear him, to feel him, she needs to know he is with her, it is the only thing which keeps her going. 

She has always considered herself a left-brain thinker, logical factual concrete this is how she has gone through life. Since the day though she switched to more of a right-brain thinking, creative, intitutive abstract thinking. She knows the shift is a result of losing him, the shift along with everything else since that day is what has forever changed her. 

She has been to mediums, to many to count, she has actually lost count of how many she has been to. She never had been to one before the day, she never thought about whether they were able to really communicate with spirits. Sure she watched LI Medium when it came out moreso because it was someone from Long Island and she thought it was cool but to actually go to one it never crossed her mind. 

She first sought out a medium within days of him

passing, she soon began her search, weeding through the slew of mediums a google search turned up. She was relentless in her search, the urgent bordering on obsessive need to connect with him to know he is alright, to know he was safe, to just know he wanted to talk to her fueled her search. She couldn't sleep without speaking to him, this along with a myriad of other things is one of the results of sudden death...The unanswered questions which played on repeat in her brain, over and over again until her head would be throbbing in pain along with her heart. 

Many mediums have waiting lists that are 2-3 years long. She quickly starting to hear from people she was meeting in various groups of mediums others have used. She started making calls, setting up appointment's for now and in the future with some of the more well known ones. She wanted to know she had future appointments already in place with the supposed best of the best. 

She has become an expert dealing with them. She knows to offer little to no information, she has mastered the emotion/reaction face so as not to give them any easy clues. With the exception of a few dimestore mediums if you could even call them that, all have very easily connected to him but than again she knows just like her he also needed to talk with her just as urgently. 

One of the first mediums she saw told her he has been eagerly waiting for this to start, he had so much to tell me. All of them say the same thing he’s a jokester, he has an incredible energy along with his somewhat sarcastic personality and they all love communicating with him. He is always making them crack up with his comments and comebacks to me which are always exactly how he would be with me. 

She remembers each appointment, many are recorded so she can go back to listen. Through all her reading she has learned to start asking him for specific answers to questions she has, he always answers her. He tells her he is with her, right beside her all the time, he will never leave her side. Many times he will have a message for her to relay to someone else. Most times it is talking about his fondest memories of their time together. 

She knows many will think she is crazy, she doesn't care, she will do anything and everything she needs to do to be able to connect with him. She needs to know he is with her, holding her up when needed, continuing to guiding her along this journey now one instead of the two of them. She needs to know without a shadow of a doubt that he is going to be there eyes twinkling smiling his devilfish smile when they meet again and she melts into his arms never letting go again. 

S.M Schultes