The Twilight Zone

She is standing there watching people sitting down eating breakfast. They are smiling and laughing as they enjoy their breakfast. She wonders to herself if she will one day be able to enjoy breakfast, eating anything again. 

She is there but not, she feels like she is in the twilight zone. She has felt this way everyday since he has been gone. It's like standing outside looking in seeing people live their lives while she just exists. It doesn't matter where she is, this is how she feels since losing him. 

She watches slightly envious of how carefree everyone appears, for her life is anything but carefree. Since the day, her life has changed, now defined as "before the day" and "after the day". Her life before the day gone, forever changed, she has changed. Now after the day, she experiences this feeling of being there but not all the time. 

It's just not here watching people enjoy their breakfast, it is everywhere she is or goes. Even sitting in their home, she looks at all the items displayed they acquired together yet she doesn't see them. They are just items on tables or things hanging on the wall, they feel strange to her, she is present yet she is looking at them seeing nothing. 

It feels like a "fog" as they call it but to her it isn't foggy, it is like watching a movie, a really bad movie which she doesn't want to watch yet she can't stop. This is her life, existing watching life through a window feeling nothing. 

She remembers when it was the holiday driving through the town's in her neighborhood, they would have holiday lights on the street lamps. She would always think to herself as she was driving through the row of lights when she got to the end he would be standing there with his amazing smile waiting for her. 

This is what her mind thinks, this is what her life has become.