The Rollercoaster

 

There are times she can look at his pictures feeling the warmth of love within her, smiling as she gazes at his handsome face. Than there are times when she looks at any one of the pictures she has displayed feeling her belly sink like she is riding a roller coaster. Which by all accounts she is, a roller coaster ride she never asked to ride nor does she want to be on. 

She always hated rollercoaster rides yet she is now on the biggest rollercoaster ride she has ever faced. She hates it with her fiber of her being, one she wishes she could get off. They would go down to Coney Island he would always bug her to ride the Cyclone, telling her a story when he rode it for the first time. 

He wanted them both to sit in the first seat to experience the rickety wooden rollercoaster together but she wouldn't do it, she hated the feeling in her belly when the rollercoaster dropped down just like she hates it now. 

She feels the tears starting to well as she looks at his picture. The picture is from the day he asked her to marry him. His smile was part excitement part devilish, a smile he was very good at. She often teased him about his smile telling him how it just melted her heart. 

As she is looking at his picture she wonders if this time it is going to be an all out ugly cry or tears just waiting to fall. She never knows where her emotions are going to go, it's anyone's guess. Everyday is a roller coaster for her, this is her new normal. 

She never knows how strong the emotions are going to be when she first opens her eyes. Within two or three minutes she can generally tell if it is going to be a really hard day or just a hard day. Today it seems to be a really hard day but she is used to this unfortunately, it's been that way since The Day, it doesn't get easier with each new day, it gets harder for her.