The Battle
One of the hardest minute by minute battles I face every single day after he passed was finding the me I was when I was with him. The notion that I could continue on my life journey without him, being the same person I was is one of the hardest things for my mind to accept. I know the me I was is forever gone yet my mind fights me everyday trying to convince me I am...I am not, I could never be after this, it is a mindset no one wants to be in. Slowly painful slowly I am realizing I will never be that person again, this is the battle, the uncertainty clinging to the familiar, clinging to how I was with him, clinging to Us... While moving forward. I allow glimpses of discovering the new me through only to run back to the old familiar me... the battle... Only for brief moments I am able to lean into this mindset until it is quickly replaced to complete denial...Denial he is gone, denial I can move forward...denial about anything and everything. I struggle to figure out who
